The Belle Tower

I come to the blog today to write about a friend of mine. Let's call her "Belle Tower," because that is the moniker she has chosen for herself, the name under which she blogs, and I think it fits her.  She is a tower of strength, ringing out with a message that graces the ears of all who hear it. She has brought so much grace to my life, just by being herself, walking her journey authentically and transparently, and demonstrating a heavy dose of the beauty of obedience, made even more breathtaking as it has emerged from what could have been an unlikely place, if not for the grace of God and a soul strong enough to embrace it.

I met Ms. Tower in a private mommies group on Facebook sometime early in Cam's first year. He was probably about 2-3 months old before I really got active, and when I did she was already there.  Her daughter, dubbed "Fifi," is not quite a year older than Mister Cameron.  Belle is loud, opinionated, and does and says nothing halfway. At first, she scared me- not that I thought she was a scary person, but I didn't see any way she could possibly agree with everything I had to say and I was ree-hee-HEALLY scared of coming up on the bad end of what she had to say because, bless my tender heart, I was quite certain I couldn't take it. I was also quite convinced on several occasions that I had offended her deeply and was not on her list of favorites.  Can't specifically remember any incidents or time frames, but I remember feeling that way and I find it humbling and staggering that we have ended up such kindred spirits.

I never disliked or thought poorly of Belle. I always admired and appreciated her.  She  made me shake my head, but it was never in disapproval, more in wonder.  I WANTED to be her friend, but it appeared we were cut from different cloth.  And we are.  We really are, but our cloth has been sewn together now.

One thing that became abundantly clear early on was that Belle was anti-religion, and if you knew what to look for, it easy to guess that she had been hurt in the church.  I don't remember at what point she actually said that that was what had happened, but she did.   When you picture the stereotypical experience of the girl growing up in the Southern Baptist family, "Be a good girl,"  "Well, that's just what we believe,"  "We don't associate with their kind," etc., that's what Belle grew up with and, Belle being Belle, that didn't quite work for her. She has a heart the size of the ENTIRE Confederacy and then some, a stubborn streak as wide as the Mississippi Delta, a mind sharper than the stinger on a hornet, and the message she was hearing about how one managed to be a "good Christian" did not fit her. So, she did what anyone with a heart like hers would do in those circumstances, she rejected it. And I don't blame her.  If I hadn't had parents who encouraged and welcomed my questions, I'd've probably sloughed it off as well.

But there was a need in Belle. And that's how it started.  I don't remember what she said, what she or others posted or what the responses were, maybe she does, but a dialogue began. She started asking questions, posing arguments (not for the sake of arguing, but she actually wanted to hear the responses), and somehow, God put just the right voices in our community to respond to her and gave her just the right ear to sort through them all to find His voice.  The daughter of an Episcopal priest (Episcopalians being held in the highest regard as intellectual, THINKING Christians by yours truly), two preachers' daughters possessed of deep faith and grace and a passion for His love, a deeply-believing Christian whose closest friends have historically been non-believers and so has a passion for the disenfranchised heart (that would be me), and a dozen other Christ-loving women and mothers with kind, KIND, gentle hearts and a desire to share of His love.

Eventually, Belle confessed to us that there was more to her story. She had been abused in the church as a small child, by someone important in her church.  The ultimate betrayal, perpetrated under the banner of God.  It makes me so angry to even type it.  Can you even imagine? Looking back now, seeing what Belle has become, it is plain as day to me that that event was spiritual warfare.  The enemy attacked, wanting to silence this amazing voice before it had a chance to develop. But God is bigger than that, and the enemy way, WAY underestimated the woman that little girl would become.

In the weeks and months that followed our discussions, a warrior emerged in Belle.  She had always been a fighter, but she became a warrior, battling for her own soul and her own truth.  She actively rejected what the voices in the world had told her that she had to be in order to be worthy of God's love and accepted the truth she heard spoken to her.  She felt God's call on her heart and she answered with a vengeance.  She began to find her voice and it became even louder, not gentled or chastened, yet tinged with a deep, deep love and grace.  She was reclaiming what had been taken from her with determination a fierceness that could only come from the soul of Belle Tower. She began to speak of Jesus as hers, as everyone's, and to reject the versions of Jesus that were not Truth to her.  I wish I had taken notes on the progression of things because my breath was taken away repeatedly. The next thing I knew, Belle posted this entry to her blog:

http://fifiandcrazycakes.blogspot.com/2013/12/update.html

I had no words, but lots of tears as my newly-pregnant self sat on the couch at my parents' house at Christmas and read that.  My mom and my aunt and our priest, Janet, were there and so I sent the link to all of them.  My aunt replied

 

"Read Belle's blog.  She truly has a gift, if not a calling.  Anne Lamott says some of us have "cavernous vibrations inside us" when we speak to God. Belle has them when she speaks OF God.  And I love it"

 

How spot-on is that?  I was so humbled by the obedience, the courage...and just hearing God's voice that loudly...Lord, help me if You ever speak that directly, clearly, and deafeningly to me.  Help me not to crumble, because I think I might.

 

I have also watched as Belle has let God soften her.  She's a fireball and she knows it and I have watched as God has asked her to reach out to people who have gotten her fired up and have watched her treat them with respect and love, no matter how mad they still might make her.  I can't say I'm entirely pleased about this, Belle was the yin to my yang and her ability to speak with fire and shoot from the hip with exactly what was on my mind is the reason I've been able to take the so-called "high road" on more than one occasion. Belle said what I WANTED to say, which freed me up to say what I knew I should say.

 

Belle Tower is now unleashed, y'all.  I am reminded of Jesus clearing the temple in Matthew chapter 21, overturning the tables of the moneychangers and reclaiming what once was sacred and making it holy again. And this wasn't a flash in the pan either.  This is not the person who went on a spiritual retreat, came back on fire with the Holy Spirit and then let it fade. Belle is on this journey with all of the stubborn, fierce, Southern fire that God put in her.  She has experienced heartbreak in the meantime as someone whose voice and example were critical to her as this revival occurred turned out to represent everything about "religiousness" she had chosen to reject. And yet she still clung to God, knowing that this one person's take on what it meant to be a Christian did not alter His truth.

 

I consider it one of the great privileges of my life to watch Belle be Belle.   I see God's hand on her all over the place and it is one of the most goshdarned beautiful things I have ever seen. So deeply inspiring. Everything she writes these days stirs me to action. What action I am not sure yet. I have a journey of discernment of my own to take, I have been aware of that for quite some time. But I am inspired to live into God's truth in a new way, and to listen with new ears to that truth.  I feel so blessed to be connected with Belle, it is one of the countless miracles which have emerged from this community we are a part of.

 

I don't feel like I've even begun to do Belle justice here.  I will probably go back and edit this a million times over, adding little details as I think of them- oh, for example! She has such a passion for justice that has been sharpened and focused by her journey of faith. That's another thing.  I could go on and on and on here, but I'm on borrowed time and Mister Snottypants is stirring. He's been so sick, bless his heart. This two-hour nap is the first in days.

 

Thanks for listening.